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My journey back into America
So a few weeks ago I went to Vancouver pride up in British Columbia. Beautiful country which of course looks a lot like my home state. Washington. Which reminds me of a separate story where a Vancouver citizen called me where I work and we started talking about weather. She totally denied that she was anywhere near me and that our weather was totally different. it almost sounded as if she would be offended if America and canada would have the same weather systems. :). Any way we compared notes and our weather was exactly the same for the last week... Unbearably hot one day and rain the next. Strange amounts of lightning strikes... All the same. The funny thing to me was that Vancouver is really close to the border crossing and yet this woman was so surefire about protecting her culture's... weather. Okay so back to the main story which also happens to be about pride. But of a slightly more rainbow kind. So I'm coming back from Vancouver and the wait time is atrocious. We are at the border for 3-4 hours. I was traveling with my friend, Chris, and he started getting a little shaky from hunger. He's been on a new diet so he can't eat many of the tasty foods that we all have access to. Any way so I get out of the car and walk passed the miles of cars with people waiting to have their passports looked over and/or to be strip searched and glared at by the angry angry border guards. I am a man on a mission. A mission for meat. My destination: The duty free shop. On my way this woman in the passenger seat of her minivan starts calling out to me. "Yoo hoo. Yoo hoo," She calls out over the idling engines and exhaust hisses. I'm intrigued slightly. So I walk over and she starts searching around at the floor of her car. Her 3 kids and husband are staring at me. After shuffling around on the floor she produces 3 empty water bottles. "We thought since you recycle..." With this statement she gazes at my chest. My face of course gets its classic expression: The what the heck are you talking about one. And at that point she reads the shirt. You see, Ryan got really excited about visiting another country for pride... So I was decked out in Pride wear. I even had a Rainbow flag jutting out of my bag. My shirt had a huge Reduce, Reuse, Recycle sign across it. Which of course explains the thought processes of this woman BUTTTtttt right above the sign it says 'I recycle boys.' The look of the woman as she started connecting all the dots of her teeny tiny mistake were hilarious. Though in truth I got the shirt because I like to recycle and because I like boys. Not necessarily because I recycle boys. Nay if I had a choice I would have one boy and similar to reducing (since I am using less boys) I would be Reusing him again and again and again. And again.

Actually if I could change the shirt it would say: I will REDUCE you to a quivering mound of skin and bone, I will REUSE what ever is left over as many times as I see fit, and finally I will RECYCLE you through to where you began. Just so we can try again tomorrow.

Or it would say something like that.

By the way. I not only found meat at the duty free shop but I negotiated the shopkeeper to give all the meat that she had to me for 4 dollars. I took the bottles with me to Seattle and recycled them at home.


P.s. And again.

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I got a good giggle out of this story. Awesome.

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